The role of each executive function skill and how parents can hone them

Self-Control

Young children are often impulse-driven and lack self-control in resisting temptations. They may also find it challenging to focus attention and filter distractions. This is why a toddler will grab a toy out of the hands of another child or even hit another child. It’s perhaps why a preschooler simply cannot resist that bar of chocolate, even though they have already had dessert. But as children grow older, there is noticeable improvement in their impulse control, which will continue to develop.

Self-control is the ability to control one’s attention, impulsive behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and it is a key executive function skill for children when it comes to learning and social interactions. It is important because it allows children to focus on tasks without getting sidetracked and enables them to get along with other people harmoniously.

Therefore, parents can set a strong foundation for good self-control skills when their child is young and continue to hone these skills as their child grows up. Here are age-based tips that parents can try:

Toddlers

• Set limits and consequences. Toddlers are notorious for having very little self-control. If a toddler says, “I want!” then usually, they won’t stop nagging, whining, or throwing a tantrum until their wants are satisfied. However, if a parent introduces mild rules and consequences for inappropriate behavior, their child will learn self-control. For example, “You’ll get ice-cream after you eat your lunch.”
• Reward even small displays of self-control. For example, parents can reinforce good behavior with lots of praise if they notice their toddler waiting for their turn or saying “please” instead of just snatching a toy from another child.
• Model self-control to their child through their own behavior. Parents are their toddler’s most influential teacher, and if they behave in the way they want their child to, parents can most certainly expect their child to emulate them. Parents can also do this through using language such as “May I borrow that, please?” and “It’s okay, I can wait.”

Preschoolers

• Identify their child’s feelings. Whenever their child loses self-control, parents can ask them why it happened and how they felt when it happened. This helps them gain insight into their child’s thinking and feeling, and parents can teach their child how to identify triggers that cause them to lose control.
• Set expectations. Parents should be clear with their child, especially when it comes to the behavior that they expect. Self-control is also the ability to reel in inappropriate behavior, and setting expectations may help.
• Remove distractions. Parents can provide a space where their child can focus on play. They should take away gadgets, tablets, and laptops, and keep crayons, paper, and books within easy reach.
• Play games like “Freeze” or “What’s the Time, Mr. Wolf?” Such games require self-control to bring the child closer to winning.

Primary Schoolers

• Ask problem-solving questions, such as “How can we prevent this problem?” or “Why do you think you behaved in that way?” or “How can you help them feel better?” Such questions promote the kind of thinking that can result in better self-control.
• Develop their child’s attention through “thinking games,” such as crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, or card games like “Uno.”
• Help their child identify emotions and feelings through language such as “You seemed angry when I said you couldn’t have extra ice cream.” By teaching their child how to figure out their emotions and feelings, parents are helping their child check themselves before an outburst.
• Teach their child how to self-talk in order to handle stressful situations. For example, teaching their child to silently tell themselves, “I can handle this,” or “I don’t like this, but I’ll stick through with it” gives the child the inner strength they need to deal with tough situations without losing control.